The Perks of Embracing The Single Status

As I write this, I'm 35, single, and living in New York City (🙌🏻). While I don't see my single status as a setback, there's a weight that comes with being a single 35-year-old woman, and I often can hear the ringing of a million questions about why or how I'm single ricocheting between my ears. 

With this single status comes an invisible pressure (usually a static buzz from society), translating one's singledom to inadequacy, incompleteness, inferiority, or failure. But the reality is that none of that's true, and there's something extraordinary about being single and fully embracing all that comes with that special status. Call it a choice, a gift, circumstance, luck, or a position of power; being single is not a setback, and there are perks to embracing the single status and living the beautiful life you've curated for yourself by yourself.

Understanding why we're drawn to romantic relationships

Before celebrating the single life and all its perks, it's important to understand that, as humans, we are inherently social beings wired for connection, and the desire for romantic connections has deep evolutionary roots beyond the influence of society. According to psychological and evolutionary theories, romantic relationships are more than companionship, providing crucial emotional and physical benefits. Early human societies relied on strong pair bonds for survival, as these bonds helped with procreation and resource sharing. So, through evolution and a bit of societal reinforcement, we've basically been programmed this way—to grow up and start searching for that prince(ss) charming.

While we may appreciate a good love story like the ones we see in fairytales and movies, life has to be about more than growing up in pursuit of a romantic partner. (And it is.) In a society where romantic relationships often seem like the ultimate goal, it's unsurprising that many singles grapple with navigating a world that celebrates couples and subsequently places singles on the back burner.

Navigating the single status in a couple-centric world

"Since it's just you, you can sleep on the pull-out couch in the living room." 

If you've been fed this line during a friend's weekend full of couples and yourself, I'm sorry you've also endured this. The world isn't exactly built for single people. Dinner reservations, vacation packages, wedding invitations without a plus-one, and even tax benefits all seem to favor couples. There's also the endless stream of questions like, "Why are you still single?" or "HoW iS sOmEoNe LiKe YoU sInGlE?!" (🙄) Questions that no single person wants to answer continuously, but inevitably, are faced with these questions anyway. Imagine asking coupled people these questions in reverse—strange thought, right?

These are just a few examples of the societal pressures that can make being single challenging and downright frustrating. Despite these challenges, I've experienced and have seen single people gracefully glide through them, proving that being single is not a setback. To be single is to thrive despite the obstacles that come with that status and embracing it as part of a lifestyle that's as fulfilling and exciting as any relationship. 

Photo by Eli Elmore - Iceland 2024

Single is not a setback

The pressures of finding that "other half" or "the one" can sometimes feel daunting and exhausting, especially in today's grim dating world. Social media and movies perpetuate the idea that life doesn't really begin until we meet that special someone. While that may be true for some, waiting for someone else to "complete" your life is time that could have been spent *living it.* It's okay to want romantic companionship—or not, and still shine as an iconic party of one. 

In a piece featured by the HuffPost, Bella DePaulo, Ph.D from Harvard University and social psychologist, shares, "I found that we who are single at heart are flourishing because we are single, not despite it. Single people can thrive even if they wish they were coupled. Among the keys to our fulfillment are our freedom, our love of solitude, and our openhearted approach to friends, family, and love."

The Perks of being single

Personal growth

Regardless of relationship status, nothing compares to the relationship each of us has with ourselves. Unattached and without a partner's influence or demand, this period of self-discovery can be a significant time in a single person's life, allowing us to recognize and understand our values, strengths, interests, and desires on a deeper level. 

Photo by Eli Elmore - Iceland 2024

Healthy selfishness

Selfishness often gets a bad rap, but it's not just about being self-centered or lacking empathy. There's also a positive form of healthy selfishness that revolves around self-care and setting boundaries. As single people, we can define what this looks like. Whether it's choosing how we spend our time, money, or energy, being single allows us to prioritize our own well-being without compromise. This kind of selfishness isn't about shutting others out; it's about valuing and nurturing ourselves so we can show up fully in all areas of our lives. 

Embracing the I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T you

Do you know what that means? Throwback lyrics aside, embracing the single life means fully taking advantage of our single days as a unique and potentially rare opportunity to make decisions based solely on what we want without having to consider someone else's needs or opinions. This kind of autonomy helps build the confidence to see our single status as an empowering position to full-send our lives to do whatever the F we want, however the F we want. 

Exploration & adventure

On quoting Bella DePaulo, PhD, UC Santa Barbara adds, "One critical advantage to embracing single life is that the single at heart have the freedom to travel and live how and where they want. They also typically experience stronger friendships that have been prioritized over the years, report lower rates of loneliness at all ages, and more often commit to their communities and causes." Whether traveling to new destinations, enjoying spontaneous adventures, or being open to whatever may come up, there's beauty and freedom in not waiting to do that thing or take that trip because we're single. 

Photo by Eli Elmore - Iceland 2024

The single status isn't a problem to be fixed

Recognizing the single status is about understanding the beautiful opportunities that come with it and learning that it's not a problem that needs fixing. It's an invitation to focus on personal growth, pursue passions, build strong, supportive networks, fly across the world on a whim because we can, and perhaps fall in love with the lives we've created for ourselves by ourselves. It's time to flip the script on societal expectations and challenge the pressures that come with it. After all, they don't reflect our worth, and one's relationship status (single or not) doesn't define who we are. 

We're not too picky. Though we can, we don't need to use apps or change our profile photos again. We have every right to be irritated when told, "It'll happen when you least expect it." We're not too much of this or too little of that. We don't need to lower our standards, and there's nothing wrong with us. We don't need to change our looks because someone has expressed their opinion. We don't need to explain why we're single, defend our single status, or be considered weird for feeling content being single. Being single is not an issue to be solved but a position to be admired. To all my incredible, intelligent, talented, confident, beautiful, adventurous, brave, bold single friends, I hear you, I am you, and I celebrate you because one is anything but the loneliest number. 

Photo by Keegan Starkey - Morocco 2023

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Disclaimer: This piece has been written to highlight the common experiences of being single in a society that often tries to "fix it." The purpose of this piece is not to criticize couples or those in romantic relationships but rather to celebrate singlehood and recognize that our single friends are pretty amazing, and even though we're having a hell of a good time as singles, living with that status isn't always easy. All views and opinions in this piece are my own, and the views expressed in this piece belong solely to me.